I’m sure my story is an echo of many stories you have already received.
I am a convert to this church since my eighteenth birthday. I attended BYU and served a mission in Chile. My husband is a wonderful man who comes from a entirely Mormon family. I am still the only member in my family.
What this means is, not one of the people that I love, who cared for me and brought me up, and I daresay, prepared me to receive the gospel, not one of these wonderful people were able to be in attendance at my wedding. Their part was to congratulate me as I exited a beautiful temple building once the deed had already been done.
I believe my family felt great hurt over their exclusion. I still am sorrowful over that loss. Every mother dreams of that perfect wonderful day for her daughter, and every fathers looks forward to the day he can walk his little girl, now all grown, down the aisle. I feel as though my temple wedding has robbed them of those experiences. Of course, in my mind and the culture which permeated our lives, getting married a year later was not done, at least not by faithful returned missionaries. I see now how foolish this thinking was. If I could go back, I would do it differently. I would be more secure in my faith and standing before God, and would have chosen to put my family first. Sadly, I cannot go back, I cannot give them that anymore. Even a vow renewal ceremony, as sweet as that would be, would probably mean as much as the ring ceremony we had at our reception. My heart is heavy, and I can only hope this will open a dialogue of more tolerance and understanding.
-Michaela
This is my story, more than an echo. “I am a convert to this church since my eighteenth birthday (in 1992). I attended BYU (1994-1998) and served a mission in Chile (Chile, Santiago West 1996-97). My husband is a wonderful man who comes from a entirely Mormon family. I am still the only member in my family.” I was married in the Boise Temple in 1998. I would have done it differently too. It might be one of my only regrets in life. Sometimes I’ve thought I was the only one who lamented my temple wedding. I don’t tell people about the emptiness it left without my family there. Thank you for sharing.
Emily – we would love to hear your whole story. Let me know if you want to write to us!
Is there a deadline for submissions? And where would I send this if I write it up? I went through the experience of excluding my entire family several decades ago at the Salt Lake Temple — my husband and I were married by an apostle (who later became prophet) and none of the TBMs made a peep about how tragic/inappropriate it was that my less active LDS family were not allowed to be there…
We haven’t decided when we will send in the second set of letters. I’m thinking it will be sometime in March. We would love to get your story! You can submit it on the contact page.
Can I ask which apostle and then prophet it was that sealed you decades ago?
I wish the church would allow couples in your situation to marry in a chapel in front of their families and then walk across the steer to the temple and be sealed. They do this in other countries, such as Guatemala, which doesn’t recognize weddings performed by any religion. That would go a long way towards bridging a gap between Family members, and between the church and its amtagonists.
I was also a convert to the Church. So far I’ve been excluded from 3 weddings and I can’t think of anything more brutally painful, to have served my children in a thousand ways and to be excluded from the most special day. No loving God would make up such a cruel doctrine. That others are considered “worthy” by answering a bunch of questions after I’ve spent a quarter century serving them? Of course there was no mention of this in the discussions when I first joined the Church. That must be the “meat” that was saved for later.
This is so many people’s story, it is my story.
Because my family knew they wouldn’t be able to come to my wedding (sealing) they didn’t even bother coming period. Which was hurtful to me but I could see they were hurt to that by getting married in the Temple they were unwelcome in sharing that experience with me. It also made things exceptionally awkward for my in-laws who never had the chance to meet my family.
If the Church practiced the policy in the US the same as in countries where Civil Marriages can occur before the Sealing without the on year probation, so many families would be able to share the sacred marriage experience.
So, I have to ask all of you who feel such regret over your weddings: Have you admitted your regret to the people you hurt? Have you told them it was the wrong thing to do, that you should have had a civil ceremony first and the sealing later? Have you said you’re ashamed or tried in any way to make it up to them?
There are three parts to a sincere apology: accept fault, express regret, try to make amends. Have any of you actually done that? Or are you just letting your parents think you are OK with your decision — while enjoying the Good Mormon image you built at their pain and expense?
If I were your parents, a true apology and admission of regret — even years late — would go a long way to healing the injury.